Modern Rock No. 1s: Nirvana and "All Apologies"
Nirvana's "All Apologies" explores the depths of self-doubt, self-acceptance, and the impermanence of existence mere months before Kurt Cobain's death
Nirvana - “All Apologies”
Weeks atop the Billboard Modern Rock chart: 2 weeks (January 22 and 29, 1994)
Previous Modern Rock #1 hit: Gin Blossoms - “Found Out About You”
Next Modern Rock #1 hit: Beck - “Loser”
Billboard Hot 100 chart toppers during this time:
Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart & Sting - “All For Love”
I’m endlessly fascinated by the juxtaposition of themes and emotions between the Billboard Hot 100 and the Modern Rock Tracks chart. There’s certainly a fair amount of crossover, like when Sinéad O’Connor hit #1 on both the Hot 100 and MRT chart with “Nothing Compares To You,” a classic rock-pop anthem that will likely remain among the annals of great 20th century songs for many years to come.
But the two charts rarely align this beautifully, and while the 2000s will usher in a wide chasm between pop #1 hits and alternative #1 hits, it’s hard to imagine a difference as vast as the one that existed in late 1993 and early 1994. Just for fun, I looked at the Hot 100 #1 hits from 1993 through the end of January 1994, and for 39 out of a possible 56 weeks, the #1 song contained the word “love.” And, if we’re being honest, a few of the songs that don’t contain “love” in the title are 100 percent about love: Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle’s “A Whole New World”; Janet Jackson’s “Again”; and Mariah Carey’s “Hero” are all love songs, in the sappiest and gooiest ways possible.
I have to think Gen X was just getting tired of it, and against that backdrop, Nirvana came into the mix, wrote a self-reflective song about life, the universe, and everything, and then offered a mea culpa in the title for being nothing like the songs maintaining the zeitgeist in 1993 and 1994. That mea culpa became “All Apologies,” Nirvana’s third Modern Rock Tracks chart topper, and the last in Kurt Cobain’s short life.
I can’t speak with much authority about the generational differences between the Baby Boomers and Generation X. As a late-stage Gen Xer, I don’t know that I have the same level of angst and grunginess that older Gen Xers like Nirvana had, but I can appreciate where they’re coming from. Most of us growing up in the ‘70s and ‘80s were fed a monocultural view of society through the lens of ‘50s and ‘60s television, stale retread cartoons, and sitcoms with simple stories and cookie-cutter family situations. In a lot of ways, anything that was the “alternative” to the prevailing viewpoints or stylings felt out of place, and for people who looked to define themselves in those ways, they didn’t have the same outlets or opportunities.
This is a grossly simplistic viewpoint, but it’s one that I think gave Nirvana and bands of its ilk an opening to emerge into the mainstream social scene. In the context of pop music at the time, Nirvana and other alternative rock bands challenged the status quo and found ways to explore other emotions outside of love.
Nirvana first broke out with “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which became an anthemic snarl at mainstream society and a loud rebuttal of early ‘90s culture, all while informing the world that Gen X was erupting on the scene. With “Heart-Shaped Box,” the band turned the love story on its head, using dark but effective imagery to paint the image of love in a different way. With “All Apologies,” Nirvana reckons with the different way they interpret the world, and almost sarcastically apologize for a view that is drastically different from the one everyone expects.
What else should I be?
All apologies
What else could I say?
Everyone is gay
What else could I write?
I don't have the right
This slowed-down mea culpa, far less angsty and scream-laden than the band’s previous hits, is less an apology to those the band may have offended, and more of a unifying call to everyone to move past the trappings of societal norms and recognize how important we are to each other. It’s different than, say, “We Can Work It Out” by The Beatles, a song that could be interpreted as a clarion call for peace amongst warring factions in society, but is really just Paul McCartney trying to get his girlfriend to see his side of the story.
Life is very short and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend
I have always thought that it's a crime
So I will ask you once again
Cobain, recognizing that he can’t be everything to everyone, offers his apologies, but reflects on the greater state of society and notes that we still have to rely on each other, even if we don’t find complete fulfillment from our actions.
All in all is all we are
All in all is all we are
All in all is all we are
All in all is all we are
All in all is all we are
All in all is all we are
The message that resonates at the end of the band’s introspection is that we are all we have. The refrain “In the sun I feel as one” seems to underscore that as well. This speaks to Cobain’s poetic vision of his own world and the trappings of life as he experienced it, and it’s captured beautifully in this song. The depth of that beauty was further captured when the band performed the song for it’s MTV Unplugged performance in 1994.
I appreciate the musical depth of this track, in both its album and live versions. The addition of a somber cello as a backdrop for the band’s typical three-piece lineup was a particularly good choice, as it adds a certain emotional heft to the instrumental piece that might have been lost without it. As usual, Cobain, Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl bring their substantial musical talents front and center in the track, and while I do think the acoustic track is a bit more on point emotionally, there’s a case to be made for the album version being superior.
And as I sit and contemplate “All Apologies” and look for some type of deeper meaning or introspective angst, I can’t help but feel like the song is really more of a warm, fuzzy blanket in the midst of what may have been an otherwise difficult time in Cobain’s life. Indeed, in Michael Azerrad’s book Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana, Cobain really viewed the song more from a happy perspective while dedicating it to his family:
“I like to think the song is for them (Courtney Love and Frances Bean), but the words don’t really fit in relation to us. The feeling does, but not the lyrics.” Cobain summarized the song’s mood as “peaceful, happy, comfort – just happy happiness.”
In a way, it’s nice to think about “All Apologies” as Kurt Cobain’s bastion of happiness and peace, and with the song hitting its apex on the radio and singles chart in 1994, there would have been every reason to believe the band would have continued on exploring the deeper meaning of life through its music.
Of course, that would not come to pass, with Cobain’s life ending in April 1994. The aftermath of that tragedy has been discussed ad nauseum over the past 30+ years, but it is reassuring to think that Cobain’s last poetic and musical gift to the world was to encourage all of us to find peaceful, happy comfort, even if he ultimately couldn’t find it for himself.
“All Apologies” held the top spot for two weeks on the Modern Rock Tracks chart in January 1994. Because the song was not released as a cassette single, it was not eligible for the Hot 100, but the song did make the top 10 in several modern rock and album-oriented rock radio airplay charts. It would be the last single from “In Utero” to chart on the Modern Rock Tracks chart, but would not be the band’s last single to appear on the chart.
We’ll be talking about Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged in New York album in greater detail in a couple of months, when one of the band’s older hits makes a comeback in the acoustic format and finds its way to the top of the charts. And, even after that, there’ll be one more opportunity to discuss Nirvana’s impact on the ‘90s when it reaches the top again in the early 2000s.
Overall, “All Apologies” is a fine song, one that I like to listen to when I need a break from the frenetic, fast-paced alternative rock that I typically enjoy. Much like “Creep” from Stone Temple Pilots or “Time Of Your Life” by Green Day, “All Apologies” is a nice change of pace from a band that gives you 110% with every track, but still has the artistic range to slow things down and showcase some of the natural talent behind the overtly grungy exterior.
Rating: 8/10
Chart Check
Other notable MRT chart songs from this time period
Some decent tracks hiding in the weeds of the Modern Rock Tracks chart during Nirvana’s two-week run at the top. We see the last single from STP’s Core album, the swan song for Crowded House, and, yes, a top-10 return for one of Chart Chat’s favorite songs.
“Locked Out” by Crowded House (#8): There are a few bands whose longevity stretched long beyond their pop-chart peaks that found a home on the Modern Rock Tracks chart. INXS is a good example: They’ve appeared here in Chart Check more often than I would have expected after their late ‘80s imperial phase. Another band that’s surprised me is Crowded House. They had two top-10 hits on the MRT chart: “Chocolate Cake” (#2) and “It’s Only Natural” (#5) back in 1991, and they managed one more in 1994 with “Locked Out.” It’s a decent rock track, and it peaked at #8 behind Nirvana. Crowded House would disband in 1996, so this would be the end of their initial run.
“Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots (#12): Future #1 Modern Rock Tracks chart artist Stone Temple Pilots (but not for any of the songs you’d think) finishes out the promotional cycle of their breakout album Core with “Creep,” a slowed-down, muted and reflective single that managed a #12 peak behind grunge brethren Nirvana. It’s crazy to think that STP never made it to #1 during the peak of their ‘90s popularity, but they certainly came close, and we’ll dig deeper into those tracks once Purple hits the record stores later in 1994.
“Cannonball” by The Breeders (#9): I couldn’t help myself! “Cannonball,” previously featured in my “Modern Rock Tracks ... No. 2s” series, climbs back into the top 10 of the Modern Rock Tracks chart at #9 behind “All Apologies” in its 20th week on the chart. The song would stay on the charts for another nine weeks before finally dropping out for good the week ending April 2, 1994. Not a bad run.
This was always one of my favorite Nirvana songs. (Sinead O'Connor's stripped down version is also pretty good.) As a late Boomer I never really understood all of the angst that seemed to come with Gen X. Having taught college to Millenials and Gen Z is whole other ball game! They're even harder to understand!